Saturday, February 7, 2015

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Sleep.  That beautiful, dark blanket that I seek to wrap around me, and cover myself from the harsh realities of this world.  It's a drug that I never can get enough of, yet if I could only go without it, oh, the things I could get done would be astounding.
The solace I find in my slumber, can't be compared to almost anything else.  It encircles its warm arms around me, pulling me into its comforting embrace.
It makes me believe that the truths of the day don't really exist, because as I dream, all is right, all is well, all is as it should be. 
That is until the sharp daggers of the morning light stab you awake.  It happens every day.  It never gets any easier, to wake up.
It is effortless to hide within sleep.  The darkness and silencing of the mind can bring some sort of peace and tranquility, at least that is what I hope for in my sleep.
But, the times come where my mind won't shut off.  Words.  Thoughts.  Images.  News.  Regrets.  To do lists.  Work.  Events of the day.  Years gone by.  Decades that have disappeared.  They all play over and over within my mind like a movie.  I'm screaming for it to just shut off, "somebody please turn it off!!"  Jesus!  Jesus!  Jesus!
But there are the times where sleep comes with a price.  It brings with it the monsters that only come to torment the mind during its most vulnerable state.  Sometimes, the monsters starring in the movie are really just us, wearing masks.  The sins are familiar, all too familiar.  We gasp awake only to find that it was all a nightmare, but a nightmare filled with realities that we want to bury back into the blackness where it belongs.   Jesus!  Jesus!  Jesus!
Then, He comes.  His bright glory causing the blackness of the sins to flee.  I was wrong to think that sleep held the key to my peace, my solace, my hiding place.  He is.  He drives the monsters back with just one word.  His peace washes over me like a hot shower washes away the filth of the day. 
Sleep.  I need it to survive, but it is not my answer. 
He's my answer.  He's the drug I need to be addicted to.  He's the peace that I am starving for.  It's His arms that I seek to fall into.  He knows me better than anyone else.  Yet, He loves me still.  With all of my brokenness.  All my sins.  All my scars.  All of it, He takes it all just so that He can have me just as I am.
I am His, and He is mine.
I will lay my head upon His pillow of promises.  He will give me the rest that I crave and desire.  I will find my rest and hiding place in His embrace.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray thee Lord, my soul to take

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