Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Because of Him, I Can Be Me.

Because of Him, I Can Be Me.

I'd really love to become one of the "it" people that people follow so that my favorite authors will get more deserved recognition and that other people can see that even though things can get hard in life, there's still opportunity to find humor when the world is trying so hard to break us into tiny shards of glass.

And I'd also want people to know, that just because someone is a Born Again Spirit Filled Christian, that does not mean that we are perfect, holier than thou, or better than others.

Followers of Jesus are broken vessels, just like every other human.  Sometimes we are held together by just the finest of threads. 
Sometimes we cuss. 
Sometimes we start drinking wine at the ripe old age of 41.
Sometimes we read smutty books.  Sometimes we laugh at inappropriate jokes and memes.  Sometimes we have sweaty monkey sex with our husbands and then decide to tell the world about when that sweaty monkey sex goes terribly, terribly wrong because it's just funny, and who doesn't love a good laugh once in a while?

That does not make me any less of a Christian. 
It does not cause God to love me any less. 

I may break His heart sometimes, and trust me, He'll let me know all about it when I do.

But sometimes, I get it right and am able to show someone my faith through the trials we have been dealt with and how God intervened with a miracle that defies all logic.

He doesn't show up because I'm a perfect holy roller bible thumping Christian.  He shows up because He's the perfect Savior for this very imperfect, Barbara.

I've never shoved anything down anyone's throat and I think y'all already know that about me.

But to know me is to also understand Who helps me keep my joy.  Who helps me keep my laughter and sense of humor.  Who helps me to not stab people in the neck with my pen. 

He, Who keeps me from balling up into a fetal position in the corner of a room and rocking back and forth with my thumb in my mouth because I just can't deal with the cruelty that this life can offer on some days. 

In this day of idiotic political correctness, right is wrong and wrong is right, up is down and down is up society, I won't hide my love for Jesus because it may offend the few or even the masses at some point.

He's why I have made it this far.  He's why my name isn't on a headstone in a cemetery with the dates May 13, 1970 to May 5, 1989. 

He's the reason that my first book that I'm writing, will be my first fruits offered up to Him, telling my memoirs of the many times He literally showed up to save, to heal, to make a way where there seemed to be no way. 

This book will be my stories. 
My walk. 
My failures. 
My victories.
My testimonies.

He gets my FIRST.

I'm still trying to write these stories, so there is no expected date for when it will be ready to publish.  Some of these stories, I avoid writing because reliving them is like willingly putting your hand to the fire.  The pain can be unbearable and to relive some stories will surely cause me to bleed all over my keyboard. 

So I avoid writing them for that reason.  But I won't avoid itforever.  On days that I can't predict, I've written some of these stories.  I have shared them with very few trusted friends and authors. 

Their reactions have excited me and shocked me into believing that what I'm writing is something that people may actually want to read about.

So for those of you who have read what I've sent you, I'm so sorry this is taking me so long to complete.  It may take me many more months or even years to conclude. 

But when it is ready, I hope to make you proud.
Because of Him, I Can Be Me.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The Girl in 6E by Alessandra Torre

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my journey with, “The Girl in 6E” by Alessandra Torre

Wow! Webcams? Whore. Whoa. WTF? Wait. Warning! Weapons! Wincing. WTH? Whackos! WTF? Wilting. Wrecked. Whoopee! Win!

THE GIRL IN 6E by Alessandra Torre took my virginity by being my first book by her, and it will not be my last because I’m coming back for more!! What rock have I been living under all this time?? Where were my so called friends that obviously did not beat me in the head for not reading her books before now? I’m unfriending all of you who have read her books but did not slap me because I hadn’t read any of her stories yet. I’m not kidding.

Obviously I have no “real” friends anymore because any true friend of mine would have been screaming at me about Alessandra Torre books!!! Shut up. Ya’ll are dead to me now. Bye Felicia!

Torre’s writing style, her impeccable research was fascinating to me! I felt like I was not only being greatly pulled into this story but also getting an education and a few semesters in Sex Fetishes 101. I absolutely LOVED that about this book!! My heart was racing so much that I entered in my reading hours on My Fitness Pal as my cardio workout and their calculations say I should have lost 7 pounds from the hours of cardio I entered.

I don’t like to retell a book in my reviews but I want this to get your attention so I’m going to give you some tastes of this book, just a taste mind you. Never a mouthful because I want you to experience that for yourself.

Young woman locks herself up in a crappy apartment for years. Tons of hot and strange video chat sex. Craving blood. Sharp knives. Lots of Amazon Prime being delivered by a hot UPS guy. A kidnapping. Lots of blood. Victory.

Blues Book Reviews gives THE GIRL IN 6E...

FORBID ME by M. Robinson

Forbid Me by M. Robinson

Jacob and Lily's journey of friends, family and just life in general is like driving down an unpaved road in a Smart Car.  
So many potholes trying to swallow up that little car when it just wants to get from point A to point B.
The road is brutal.  Cruel even.
Jacob and Lily, even though they tried their best to stay away from each other, they end up being like positive and negative magnets being forced back together, even though their hearts try to fight it.

Forbid Me is the second book in this series after the popular book, Complicate Me.  

I'm excited to read the next installment that will be about Aubrey!!!

Get your copy here!!!!

One Click Complicate Me (Book 1)

One Click Forbid Me (Book 2)

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Breaking Him by R.K. Lilley

Blue’s Book Reviews
Just a taste of some of my favorite highlights;

“He was mine before you ever had him, and even when you did, know this, a part of him as still mine. You never got what I had. You had what was left when I was done with him.”

“What we had was always a lie. I know because if it was real it wouldn’t have ended. It felt like forever, and forever was a lie.”
“Love doesn’t save our souls. It kills them.”

“I hate his lying, conniving guts, but sex with him can be a religious experience. He remembers things about my body that even I forgot…..Ah….Oh…I see….That they seemed to get. The universal understanding of phenomenal sex. Go figure.”

“Don’t talk. Your voice ruins it for me…..Shhh. I’m trying to pretend you’re someone else. Every time you speak it ruins it for me.”

At 3% into Breaking Him, I had already highlighted 18 passages. I can’t even count the number I have highlighted since finishing this book.

Breaking Him to me, is possibly RK Lilley’s best book to date. And that is not an easy thing for me to say because her Tristan and Danika series, Bad Things, Rock Bottom and Lovely Trigger are high at the top of my most favorite series ever in the history of ever.

So for me to be able to say that she has possibly outdone herself, makes me almost sad and thrilled at the same time!

Scarlett and Dante. Dante and Scarlett. They have been in a bloody war with each other for years. Their hearts belonging to only each other, but decisions and choices were made years ago, that caused so much pain and suffering, that it changed Scarlett’s heart into vessel for revenge.

Scarlett is a masterpiece of a character and I loved her HARD!!!! RK Lilley captured brilliantly in Scarlett, what a broken heart can do to a person when that person doesn’t break. Scarlett didn’t break when her years of love and devotion with Dante ended.

Scarlett transformed into the most beautiful weapon of mass destruction where Dante is concerned.

I loved everything about her. Her hate. Her thirst for his blood. Her vengeance. Her self preservations.

Her brokenness. I want to change my name to Scarlett because I loved her that much.

Dante, oh Dante. I have no idea the extent of what he did to Scarlett yet, but as much as I wanted to despise him as much as Scarlett did, I never could do it. His love for her slaps you in your face and even though she fights to always hurt him, he takes it.

Whatever it is that he did, he’s paid his dues with pain of losing her.

I’m sure Dante’s evil spawn of satan of a mother had something to do with the demise of their relationship and I’m going to start a Word file to record all of my fantasies of how I would want to see Dante’s mother killed off.

I cannot wait for the next book, BREAKING HER to come out!!! I wouldn’t say this was huge cliffhanger, but I WANT ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM NOW!! So it does leave you wanting MORE!!! AND I WANT MORE OF DANTE AND SCARLETT!!!!

Blues Book Reviews gives

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

If You Dare (Deanna Madden Series) by Alessandra Torre

Oh how I have missed my psychotic stabby friend, Deanna Madden.
This is the 3rd book in this series, and oh how I pray it's not the last!
You must read The Girl in 6E and Do Not Disturb to fully understand the brilliance of this series.
As with the first two books, my heart raced and I lost sleep by waking up at 2am to read more because I had to know what was happening next!! 
I didn't want it to end and again, I hope we get more stories of Deanna!!  She has become one of my very favorite characters and I already miss her broken mind!!
If You Dare by Alessandra Torre consumed me, just as the other Deanna Madden books.

Betrayal (Infidelity Book 1) by Aleatha Romig

Another Grand Slam from Aleatha Romig!  This story had my mind trying to figure out where the twists and turns were trying to take me.  I was working out combinations within my head in the same way that I would be working a Rubik's Cube in my hands.

As my imagination got carried away as to who Nox could really end up being, the author had me looking down at my hands with a jumbled up cube with no matching up colors, and no way of figuring out how she ended up leaving me shocked in the direction this story took me.

Well played, Aleatha Romig.  Well played.

Betrayal sucked me in and left me gasping and needing more!

Cliffhangers leave you either loving them, hating them, or loving to hate them all at the same time. 

I can't wait to see what happens next in this story of Nox and Alex!!! 

I need more now!!!


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Perfect Storm Episode #111115

The Perfect Storm
Episode #111115

You know how dogs can sense when a bad storm is on its way?  Especially when they are afraid of storms?

Our girls are terrified of storms.  They cower and whine and hide under our covers in our bed.  They try to crawl up under our skin as if they could even do that.

They can also sense it when our son's storm is also brewing.

They do the exact same things as if there was a big storm coming outside.

They cower.  They hide.  They are nervous and anxious.  Miley will start panting really hard as if she's trying to hyperventilate.

They know when its time to hide in the cellar.

The events over the last couple of days forced me to take Caden in for blood work to check his Depakote levels.  He was complaining that his head felt hot and he's still very agitated, which made me decide to keep him home instead of subjecting his teachers to another day of bad weather.

Back home, he's taken his normal hatred and abuse for me and moved it over to Bryan. 

Bryan comes into the bedroom and locks the door, hugs and holds me and says, "Now he's attacking me like he's attacked you.  At least its not you this time.  But I wanta knock his effing head off."

Me hugging him back, "Well at least now you know what its like for me.  Do you want to split a pill?  I'll share mine with you."

We both laughed because I think we are probably the best medication for each other when things get hard.

He'll go outside and build something, cut something up, break something just so that he can build it back together again, or set fire to something and just watch it burn for hours.

I'll write annoying posts on Facebook, read, look at my disaster of a closet that needs to be cleaned out, but then I'll go post about my disaster of a closet that I need to clean out instead of cleaning it because I don't want to clean it.

I'll also create a Pinterest board on "Camper Remodel" and then become obsessed with how I'm going to want to decorate and remodel the 1998 Coachman Deer Camp Camper into a Glamper/Glamping Guest House for girl sleepovers and weekend getaways.

It's a darn shame that cleaning the house or organizing isn't a coping skill that any of my personalities have. 

Bryan and I both cope in such different manors, but at least neither of us has given up. 

Some days, I do want to give up.  I sometimes wish that I could be that mom that just runs away when things get too hard.  And to be honest, I used to never understand how a mother could just abandon her children because I could never do that, even though it sounds all unicorny and rainbowy.

But I can now empathize and understand it if that mother too has to go through some of what we have to go through.  Maybe she doesn't have a strong husband or support group to cheer her on?  Maybe she herself is suffering with mental illness with no one reaching out a hand to help her? 

Anyway, I can't automatically judge a mother who runs away from her life because I can't help but wonder that maybe her too, felt like she was a failure for not being enough to help her child or children.

And yes I'm whining, because I know friends who have gone through so much more severe things with their kids than we have with our Perfect Storm and it makes me feel terrible that what they have endured compared to what we are currently going through isn't even on the same planet as far as they are concerned.

I have a dear friend who's adult son (Aspy) tried dragging her along his truck while hitting her in the face, and she had to call the police on him and watch him being handcuffed and arrested.

Another dear friend's adult son who is mentally ill, has not been seen or heard from in years after he stopped taking his meds.  She prays and cries for him every day.

So I'm going to go stare at my messy closet so I can decide that I'll clean it the next time again.

I'm going to go pin some things onto my "Camper Remodel" board on Pinterest.

I'm just trying to cope.

We are all just trying to cope and survive another day without completely losing who we are.

When someone in your home is mentally ill, everyone in the home also suffers from that mental illness.  Maybe not on a diagnosis level, but it pushes your sanity to the razor thin edge into insanity.

*Side note
No where in the Bible does it say that "God won't give you what you can't handle". 
That is a myth.  A fabrication. 

So yes, God will give us more than we can endure. 

1 Corintians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,  he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

"In moments like these we feel ground to dust. Rather than stand and proclaim that we can handle it, we should imitate Jesus.

The night before Jesus was executed, He cried out in the garden, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38). Jesus told His father, “This is too much for me!”
We see this kind of thing in the Psalms, too. The Psalmists ball their fists in rage, and shout at God, “Why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22) In their sadness they say, “darkness is my closest friend” (Psalm 88)

When we become aware that life will give us more than we can handle and come to grips with this, we find a promise: God is faithful to meet us in the mess and in the pain."


Monday, November 2, 2015

The Truth About Mack by Jettie Woodruff

Listen up because I am not playing around....BUY THIS FREAKING BOOK!!
Get into the crazy mind of Mack and all her secrets.  Jettie Woodruff blew me the hell out of my chair with this book!  Her insane, genius, brilliant writing in The The Truth About Mack will never leave you.  

I am still quoting lines from this book, after all these months later.  Mack and her hyper sexual, mental illness issues will take you on a dark journey of lies, flies, and blood with paralyzing truths in this story.

And because I coudn't put this book down because it consumed my life, I gave it FIVE BLOODY MATTRESS COVERED IN FLIES JUST LOOK AT IT STARS!!!!

Arsen by Mia Asher

Today's Blue Spotlight is Arsen by Mia Asher. 

When I say that this
 book will completely rip you a new pooter-pucker, I mean you will not be able to sit down for weeks from the butt hurt you will experience with Arsen!!!! Get the doughnut pillow ready, forget the wine, you're gonna need the hard stuff to get you through this one. Not. Kidding.
I wanted to literally beat Cathy, the main female character (stupid freaking weak freaking stupid Cathy) with anything that would cause her great pain and a slow death. I was screaming at my Kindle "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!???" I lost sleep. I had bad dreams. I had clarification on just how easily it can be for a woman to fall into the bed of another man, even when her husband is amazing, perfect, and loves her more than life itself. And honestly, it terrified me, because could this happen to me? Could this happen to you? Mainly, how, how, how could she do this???!!!! I retold this story to my husband and was visibly angry with tears in my eyes while talking to him about it.
True Story.
This book hurts. It hurts so freaking bad. I felt like throwing up from what Cathy was doing to her beautiful marriage. I was Team Ben all the way. Now don't get me wrong, our young and hot villain named Arsen, wins awards with his dirty mouth skills and how he baited and hooked a married woman to have a hot and filthy affair with him. I'm not sure how many women would have been able to resist him.
I feel that EVERY MARRIED WOMAN needs to read this book. It should be given to the brides as a wedding gift. It takes you on the journey of a beautiful marriage, and how a woman's selfishness and internal pain, allows another man to move in and literally obliterate that marriage. Thisbook shows the ugly truth on what happens when blind lust blows up in your face and blows up your entire life. Arsen became a drug to her and she became a full blown addict.
You will not be the same after reading Arsen. Expect to spend weeks, even months, thinking about these characters and the choices that were made.
I give Arsen by Mia Asher, 5 as in FIVE FREAKING BUTT HURTING BLUE STARS for making me scream, cry, lose sleep, and blubber to my husband that he will never have to worry about me ever choosing any man over him because I would never survive without him.
Thank you Mia Asher. Bravo, Ma'am. Bravo!!!

Commodity by Shay Savage


Commodity was so unexpected.  I had no idea what was awaiting me with this book.  My heart raced and I was on edge.

Hannah is traveling with Falk, a body guard she's never met before.   They are on their way from Atlanta to Washington to testify against a powerful business owner and politician who was running a sexual trafficking ring.

Imagine going about your day and then explosions, buildings falling, but somehow you survive it while running into a train tunnel.  When you emerge, all the men in the streets seem to be dead and there are no women, children, livestock or pets anywhere.  Gone.  They are all gone.
There are survivors, like Hannah and Falk.
And those few survivors all seem to be all men.
The women who did manage to survive, are now a very valuable commodity in this new world and forced into sexual slavery if they are caught.

Falk's mission is to protect Hannah at all costs.
He's vowed to keep her safe.
Then, she's gone.
They took her.
Falk is mortally wounded and can't save her.
He spends months tracking and searching for her.
Never giving up.

Commodity was a roller coaster of a ride so buckle up and prepare for some sleepless nights.

I highly recommend adding Commodity to your library.  I also recommend watching Skillet's "I'm Not Gonna Die Tonight" videos on YouTube to go along with this book.
Not Gonna Die by Skillet
Not Gonna Die by Skillet with Lyrics

"In a world where everything was accessible with a few clicks on a smart phone, I had nothing.  In a world of chaos where we have to fight for our very existence, I have everything.  I feel fine.  I feel needed.  I am whole again."

Blue's Book Reviews gives Commodity by Shay Savage
5 Stomach Dipping Heart Racing Stars!!